Saturday, February 21, 2009

A Close Call

Open scene with mother and young son preparing to engage in bathtime. Young son has a somewhat small amount of vomit on his clothes, and mother feels it necessary to bathe the small rodent because he hasn't been bathed since last week. Mother carefully removes child's pajamas, pulling onesie over his baby-proportioned large head. The child's arms are fully extended in a "skin the bunny" fashion, yet still don't reach over his head. While still diapered and mother looking on, child gazes into the magical playpen with sparkling water and colorful squirt toys and sieves. A glob of drool escapes his lips and blends with the raging torrent below. Mother spreads the soft, downy towel on the floor for a quick swaddle after splashing fun is through. Excitement overcomes the young child as mother approaches to remove his diaper and give him total and complete freedom. She cautiously checks the diaper to make sure there are no rapscallions lying in wait. Eyeing a suspicious brown streak in the diaper, she examines the child's bottom to locate the source. Satisfied that child's bottom is clean, she begins lowering him into the bathtub. Just as she does so, the culprit manifests itself and enters the gentle waves. Mother pauses, unsure what to do. Child still dangles inches above the water in Mother's arms, unaware of what has come to pass, his body still in spasms of excitement. Mother lowers child into the water, and, forcing herself to continue on even though she realizes what she's about to do, scoops the swarthy knave from the water with her bare hand and nestles it in the safety of the used diaper. A laugh escapes her lips and she continues smiling as she bathes her young son, not only because he narrowly escaped, but also because she remembers a long time ago when she and her brother cowered at the opposite end of the bathtub when a smiliar villain was in pursuit and the brave heroine who was their mother saved them.

25 comments:

Scott said...

Oh man, I was laughing so hard! Why? Because I lived it! Great post.

Grandma J said...

Ah, memories. I've never been called a heroine before! Your post was hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Was Emerson all scared of it? I loved that post Melinda. Sadly, I wasn't around at that time. I didn't get to see your little scared faces as you "swam" away from the floating thing. I wish I could have been there!

Lacey said...

Great post! Way to be a super mom, taking care of the problem without hesitation and laughing a about it afterwards. You deserve the mom of the week award for that one! :)

Natalie Johnson said...

Hahaha. I was giggling from like sentence 3. And I still can't contain myself. Hahaha.

Tweeb and Danyette said...

I know exactly what you are talking about. The joy of having kids! The tile looks great and like I always say...Emerson is getting sooo big. I cannot believe he is going to be one already. You are such a cute little family.

kiki comin said...

sooo funny. bath time can be so exciting!

Natalie said...

Oh man! This was hilarious. I was seriously cracking up through the whole thing. You're so creative! You're going to have to tell this story to E when he's older so he appreciates the braveness of his mom. :)

Kris said...

HA! That is awesome. My youngest sister pooped in the tub a couple of years ago on vacation, and we were just outside the door listening to her nervously try to pin it on someone else... anyone else... Unfortunately, this particular villain was of such unique composition as to warrant an entirely new tub...

Taunya and Ian said...

Hey Melinda! Thanks for the invite to your blog. Mine is
taunya-ian.blogspot.com
Wasn't that ironic that our sunday lesson was on saving money & we just watched that Shopaholic movie? That was fun getting together!

candice said...

ha! too funny! you are such a life saver!

Brooke said...

Been there, done that!! :D Great post, I'm still laughing. Ericson was terrified of every little speck in the tub for awhile after he did it. oh, and better yet, he literally puked in the tub and on the floor when he saw it and more when he watched me grab it with my hand. Oh, the memories!!

HDVB said...

hahaaha, man that made me laugh out loud, in a public computer lab even!!! :) thanks for sharing Melinda!

Sarah Walton said...

Thanks for the invite Melinda! love your blog!

Joni said...

you crack me up!

mom/grandmaG said...

That is the best story I have read in a very long time. I have a story like that, the boy who was the culprit laughed an evil laugh when the other boy picked it up thinking it was a new tub toy. Made me wonder if it was on purpose to see what would happen.

Unknown said...

That was awesome. You had me glued.

Monica said...

I loved reading that! You are a great writer. I had to laugh because I too had that same experience with my child last week.

Scottie and Angie said...

I loved that post. The way you told that story was awesome!!! I hope you are well...thanks for the bagels the other night. It was fun to chat with you.
Angie

Todd and Ashley said...

Melinda, you tell stories so cute. I am glad I get to read more to come. I am already looking forward to the next cooking club. I finally found some pesto at the store and made your yummy dish. My husband loved it. I can't wait to make many more for him.

Todd and Ashley said...

oh and our blog address is toddandashleychristensen.blogspot.com you are welcome to check it out anytime.

Sara said...

You make me laugh! Loved reading your this post! You are adorable and I had a great time at the movie last week!

Jon. Jamie. Ethan. Lynsi. Katie. said...

Hilarious! See moms are heroes!!! hhahah I can totally see your little Emerson just oblivious to the whole scene!

Heather said...

Ok, that is the funniest blog! You were much calmer about it than me. As soon as Syd pooped in the tub I got frantic, started yelling "HELP!" to Kevin and pulled Syd out of the tub and chloroxed the WHOLE tub before putting her back in:) I'm alittle overly dramatic some times.

Ash said...

Melinda, I LOVE your stories. You are the best story teller I know! Hopefully we don't sound too weird, but we read this story to Trent's family while we were celebrating Lori's birthday last week. We were telling the non-blog reading family members about it and had to read it because our storytelling didn't do it justice. We were all laughing hysterically.